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Spring moves into summer and it has moved with a vengeance here in the "Boston area" (when I was in college (upstate New York), anyone who was from Massachusetts always said they were from "the Boston area"!).
All of the promise of spring needs to be fulfilled now in summer - promises to focus more on what I eat, to get more exercise, to renew my home and my life - one tiny step at a time.
I am grateful for many things. I do get discouraged - I live with a teenager who basically undermines every small step I take toward renewal. Remember how we moved our living room? Well, she moved most of her junk into it and left the rest in the old room uncleaned up! Blah. The summer will be over so soon and she will be gone and I will cry then that she is not here. But. Just saying.
Out in my garden, I am weeding out plantains - today I was overcome with a sense of understanding. All of these huge plantains will kill off my lawn if I don't take to the task of daily pulling out all I can get the time to kill. Maybe a once-over with weed killer in the fall will get rid of them once and for all, but right now, I realize that you can look out into my yard and see lush green that up close is not really healthy. So close a metaphor with my life it's not even funny! I let so much over-grow, pretending that in the end everything would work out, that eventually I would get to fixing things, that it really didn't matter that there was crabgrass, in the end we would move on to someplace else. Well, the underlying neglect can not be ignored. Weeds do not go away without a lot of effort. I have to remember that my former partner let so many things go bad and I could not stop him.
In my life, I am looking to find or make a space where my passions can unfold. Where all the things I do and want fit in, not piled on piles or lurking in corners. I want my home to be where I live and do and care. So many of my things now are crammed into boxes, stacked in the basement, heaped on the counters waiting for that home! So much of my yard is weeds!
Today I threw out a couple of things that I had rescued from the trash last week - old things, broken things, that I thought I would fix. Why would I take from the trash? Don't I deserve new things, or at least nice things? Yes, I do. The focus now is what stays and what goes - and there will be a lot going.
Trying to stay on track with eating, not really into exercising yet. One day at a time!
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