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I've discovered why it's taken me so long to eat better and exercise more. The entire thing is psychological, and based on my social anxiety, and not to do with willpower like I thought! Last night I went to the gym and started out all by myself and did the 25 minute first sesson of the C25k program on the treadmill. It was really fun! Towards the end of the workout, someone else came in and I instantly felt stupid and like I should stop, but with 4 minutes left I finished and moved on to a different area, the weights. I was doing really well on the weights and then a guy came in and I didn't want/felt like I couldn't do them anymore. Then I finished up on the bike and left.
Today, I started out the day satiated and happy and feeling good about everything, and then at lunch, the building I work in was having some sort of celebration and they were offering free ice cream cones. I was completely disinterested (really!) until my coworkers all gathered outside my office door waiting for me to come down with them. I made an excuse and they deflected it, and then I felt stupid and awkward and went down and got ice cream. And then I ate it so no one would ask me why I didn't eat it, because I wanted to feel normal and fit in.
In fact, everything I have down to potentially sabotage my efforts have been entirely because of a social situation that I wanted to keep the least awkward possible. So though this is a bit of a breakthrough in knowing how to change to keep this weight down and off, it's only by changing something about me I'd LOVE to change but don't know how to. So the options are to either avoid social situations altogether, which may lead to depression, which leads to binge eating, or I need to stop being afraid of being weird or different from anyone else. Sigh, this'll be a toughie. I'll ponder it while I munch celery tonight for dinner to keep below my RDI. :(
I'm most pissed because I would've much rather spent those 500 calories on something healthy and substantial and filling.
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1384 kcal
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Fat: 57.71g | Prot: 58.61g | Carbs: 167.14g.
Breakfast: Watermelon, Blueberries . Lunch: Instant Noodles In a Cup. Dinner: Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast, bacon style turkey, egg. Snacks/Other: Cream (Half & Half), Lemon, Sugar Cubes, Waffle Cone, Chocolate Ice Cream. more...
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2735 kcal
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Exercise:
Exercise machine (slow) - 5 minutes, Exercise machine (moderate) - 20 minutes, Conditioning exercise (health club) - 20 minutes, Walking (brisk) - 6.5/kph - 30 minutes, Resting - 14 hours and 45 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours. more...
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 Comments
Wow, that's really a revelation. I think you should be proud that you even recognized that pattern, because now that you know what it is, you can work on it. Call it growing pains, babe. ;)
Kat
14 Jul 10 by member: kstubblefield
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That IS a great revelation! The first step to any solution is to identify the problem. My bf has social anxiety too, so I know it isn't as simple as telling you everyone is different and weird, so being the same as everyone else means being different and weird :) It takes a lot of guts to say no to people. It's tough. They will really push you to the ice cream. Eventually if you say "No thank you" enough times, they will give up, but those first several times are hard for anyone, regardless of social anxiety. I'm sure that makes it even harder. You can do it though! :)
14 Jul 10 by member: k8yk
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I know what it is like. This runs deep in my family. It is very hard to over come and for me I have had things in my past that have forced me to become independant and I think a strong women. Not to say that I don't feel like everyone is staring at me in the gym... I can cause myself to panic and start to sweat if I let it get to me. Keep going and putting yourself out there and you will love yourself in the end for it! I love the way I am now but it still is hard sometimes. Keep pushing forward
14 Jul 10 by member: skinnygirl130
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Thanks guys. It's about time I got over it anyway. SOcial anxiety has really impacted the last 5 years of my life in a negative way. You guys are so supportive and it's awesome :D Hope I can support you also.
15 Jul 10 by member: erin74kr
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You would have no trouble saying 'no thanks' if you had a medical condition that meant you couldn't have it. How about inventing a vague condition to help you say no thanks. Keep telling yourself you are fabulous and just as good as anyone else - and you are
15 Jul 10 by member: flaxseed
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I was the one who always held these gatherings for my co-workers and I was always as sentitive to everyone needs as much as possible i always respected people wishes that couldn't have some things so i cater to everyone, I always tried to have as many friendly foods that i could
I'm lactose intolerant so i don't eat dary which was easy for me. But i understand you're delemia
15 Jul 10 by member: thecoach
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erin74kr's Weight History
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