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Day 364- Man have I been in a bad mood! I don't get it. I am pissed at everything lately. I know a lot of it has to do with money but also my wife and how she is not making time for me and when we do talk she shuts me down quickly. I overall anger with everything has made me want to become a hermit. All I have been doing is trying to keep myself busy down home projects and cleaning things out. I am pissed once again at how we let the house become and I am the only one that seems to care. I don't understand why we can't stay on a routine of cleaning and throw out the crap we don't need or use. I have been selling my old cloths on eBay and making quite a bit of money. There is a long way to go.
I also, have admitted that I really don't like myself when I drink, but I find it hard to relax without drinking. Last week when I was on the road, I stayed in my hotel room and drank just so I would not do something stupid in public and what do I do? I get on the internet and do stupid things.......
Tomorrow is day 365 of this journey. I hope I am in a better mood.
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 Comments
So sorry to hear about your struggles but glad to know that I am not alone. Sounds like I could have written this myself. All I can say is I'm so sorry and you're not alone.
21 Jan 13 by member: thynes
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I think it is good that you feel free to vent here. Although I have no words of wisdom for you, I think the fact that you were able to express your frustration will go a long way in you finding solutions.
21 Jan 13 by member: BuffyBear
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Day 365 of your journey is HUGE. Congratulations. I feel your pain about getting rid of stuff you don't need. I live with a pack rat, a what-if guy that wants to make sure we have everything (including several years of receipts), you know....just in case. I, on the other hand, can't stand paper, any paper, even legal paper or tax I might need tomorrow. You'll find the middle ground, I'm sure. Good deal that you know yourself as well as you do. Happy FS anniversary (is it?) or happy journey anniversary. You've done amazing. Look over the year and your accomplishments; you'll be amazed too.
21 Jan 13 by member: Helewis
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I like myself when I drink most of the time, in fact often I like myself better. I need to find a way to act like confident, outgoing, flirty tipsy Jess without getting loaded! Day 365 tomorrow eh? Isn't it funny how a year can seem like a lifetime ago, or just the other day depending on the memory we are accessing?
21 Jan 13 by member: JessWhatINeeded
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Jess, my problem is I say/do things I would not normally do and I am probably going to pay the price bad one of these days. (yes, I am a lover also when I drink.)
21 Jan 13 by member: Soulnoid
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Oh Jess I would love to have that confidence part of me sober too! Problem is if I go too far the filter turns off and then... lol. Combine that with a very happy drunk and things can get interesting.
21 Jan 13 by member: thynes
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Long journey! I hope it can continue for you, it sounds like the support is welcome. IDK your marriage situation, but sometimes if hub and I are having communication barriers, I'll e-mail him what I'm feeling/thinking. This does of course come with MUCH editing so as not to sound too bitchy or mothery. I am most definitely NOT interested in being his mother (eww) OR mine. We have 2 kids together and I don't need him as a 3rd. We also struggle with clutter and money issues. But the only way to overcome those is with communication and agreement. Try e-mailing or even an old-fashioned letter. At the very least you'll get your feelings down, and at least out. Then it's up to her with reciprocation and working together. Communication is the start. Good luck, amigo. I wish you well! (Oh, probably best not to write while drunk? ;op)
22 Jan 13 by member: ZippyDani
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