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Went out last night and ate, and drank. Not feeling terribly guilty, as it didn't change how I felt about my eating habits in the morning. Just a hiccup. Bit choked that I put in a heroic effort at the gym only to cancel it out with consumables, but that's alright, heading there again tonight to do my legs and back. Did my upper body and abs last night, and am really getting into a routine of strength training that feels effective. I used to lift weights at a level where maybe the last rep was a bit shaky, but now I try to use weight that is moderately tough from the beginning. I want to change my body, not keep it the way it was.
Took new progress pics yesterday, the difference is incredible, but as the pics are in my underwear, I'll probably refrain from posting them until I am at my goal weight. I feel really good at this weight, not sure if I will feel the same way about 160, since I've never been there! Still self conscious about my arms, I don't know if any amount of weight training will change that feeling though, it's a psychological thing that doesn't go away right away. Now I can see the muscle that incased in fat, but getting rid of the fat around it is going to take time, and patience.
More and more, this journey is becoming about strength and perseverance than being thin. My goals still include losing weight, because that's what I've always thought would change my life for the better (though now that I've lost a bit, it's becoming clearer that it's the confidence you gain through disciplining yourself that really help with that, not the number on the scale). But more exciting is every time I run a 5k faster than a few days before, or being able to lift 30 pounds instead of 20, or being able to use the strength machines at a setting much higher than the base amount! And doing pushups! I can do 5 normal ones at a go, or 25 of the modified ones. And crunches! Over 100 a day of the normal ones and 50 of the reverse crunches. This is really easy for a fit person but for someone who's never been able to do a regular pushup in their entire life, this is the best feeling in the world!
I've found myself a bit addicted to that after-workout adrenaline rush, but I'm trying to pace myself so I still get rest days. I have always heard about over-exercising and don't want to ruin my progress at all. Thinking about signing up for a yoga class, though. Flexibility and control is something I'd love to improve.
Everyone is noticing my weight loss now, and that's really nice. I put up a new pic on facebook, and this guy from my hometown who has always had a crush on me but never went anywhere msg'd me and said I looked smaller. I said I was. He said something to the effect of "i liked you the way you were. now if we were to cuddle you'd have bones sticking into me" . I was annoyed. I told him that it would be muscle, not bones, and he made some comment about how i would be the 'man' and 'wear the pants' if I had more muscle than him. Idiot. >:( I wouldn't cuddle him anyway, but why assume that what I'm doing is for any man at all?! I don't care if anyone likes my body as long as I like it. Why do men think that we want to be healthier for THEIR benefit? What about ours? Even my boyfriend said something in the beginning to the effect of "You don't need to, i am attracted to you the way you are now." Words of support I suppose, but still, what makes him think it has anything to do with him? Rant over, feel better now. :P
View Diet Calendar, 17 September 2010:
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1386 kcal
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Fat: 85.51g | Prot: 119.64g | Carbs: 48.57g.
Breakfast: unsalted butter, bacon style turkey, egg. Lunch: greek yogurt, Avocados. Dinner: shelled edamame, olive oil, chicken thighs boneless skinless. Snacks/Other: seapoint farms dry roasted edamame. more...
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2503 kcal
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Exercise:
Weight Training (moderate) - 20 minutes, Exercise machine (slow) - 10 minutes, Rowing Machine - 10 minutes, C25K Week 4 Day 3 - 32 minutes, HIIT - 10 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Resting - 14 hours and 38 minutes. more...
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