MrsTofu's Journal, 30 Jun 14

The code showing was my attempt at embedding the videos directly in my journal. At least on my browser that seems to have failed. The links above each correspond to the videos that would show if the HTML/ coding worked (aka if I had known what I was doing when I was trying to post it in the first place.) 

Beware Rant Ahead I haven't seen my mother in years and the last time I tried she wouldn't answer the door. I feel less and less bad and angry with each passing day. It was July 1996 that I formally told here to GTFA. If this type of person didn't want you to have to set up boundaries to control their psychosis from affecting your life they wouldn't continue their behaviors. I don't care if you gave me life, I don't want my life intertwined with their "Woe is me" life. End Rant 

JP, I definitely hear where you are coming from and have been in that state of mind before with my mom. Honestly I am not sure what I feel towards her, there are many things: anger, sadness, pity, frustration, disappointment, incredulity,resignation, confusion, dismay. I am glad you feel less angry because I remember the weight I felt disappear when I realized I no longer hated my first brother. That heaviness is awful, I wouldn't wish it on others. Hopefully you also have other people who help fill the gaps/ voids your mom left. (I realize that no one can exactly fit that role when the person who has it by nature is neglecting it, but having positive relationships certainly deflates/dissipates the negativity that we can absorb from people like our moms.) 

I'm so sorry. I hope something works out for you. You do have to protect you and your family. Parent's are in most cases special but sometimes that's not the case. My girls have been through it with their Dad's issues. I'm so thankful I have my girls and my grandchildren.