Hi FS Pals!
I just wanted to thank so many of you for your sweet comments and private messages over the last few days. What a great group of support you all are! This is quite honestly probably the key element in weight loss success - a excellent support network. We could try all the diets in the world but without the support, I wonder how much harder it would be? So thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your kind words.
UPDATE - Yesterday was a follow-up with the doctor for my boyfriend's knee. He now only has to wear crutches and the brace "as needed" but his doctor strictly forbade him to climb stairs. He also cannot lift more than 30 pounds.
Because the doctor's visit took an hour longer than anticipated and Wednesday's is when my main assignment is due for two doctoral classes, my dinner plans were not going to work. Therefore, I stopped by Which Wich and got a vegetarian black bean burger sandwich. Despite going over my normal dinner calories, I was under by almost 400 calories at the end of the day (I call that a win!).
On the way home, my boyfriend was talking about his day when suddenly he said something that caused me to do a double-take. I was driving since he can't with his knee and had to ask him what he said again to make sure I heard it right. Apparently yesterday the lead maintenance guy who kind of sort of is his boss but not technically said "I don't think you're as crippled as you make it out to be". He proceeded to tell my boyfriend that he has to go to an apartment to fix a sink. First - the apartment was UPSTAIRS which his doctor said from the beginning NOT to do. Second - fixing a sink requires bending/stooping...again his doctor said NOT to do. This is all in writing on the report to work injury report with light duty restrictions.
Now I love my man to death, I care about him immensely but oh.my.goodness was I livid when he told me this. I asked "Did you tell him, sorry but I can't due to doctor's orders?" Nope! He was not assertive at all and let this guy not only use a word I find revolting, uncouth, unprofessional, and not to mention borderline discrimination (i.e. the word "cripple") but he let him tell him to do something he knew he shouldn't be doing. Let's just say he got quite the "pep talk" yesterday although he referred to it as "the lecture". I told him no job is worth that crap and he's got to stand up for himself.
This lead maintenance guy is no good either because not only does he know all the higher ups but apparently he's gotten a reputation with the residents of the apartment as "a person who wastes company time". He constantly drives around in his truck when he's supposed to be doing work orders, he goes up to the gas station on the clock to fill up his personal truck, when he's in make ready apartments (one's that need cleaned before renting out) he just sits and watches YouTube videos while my boyfriend and another co-worker do all the work, and he smokes all the time without regard for anyone else (my boyfriend has smoke-induced asthma and cannot be around it).
To make matters worse, the other day my boyfriend was in the office and one of the ladies said that the lead was complaining about being "one man down" and that my boyfriend may as well not be there because he's not doing anything. I think it's terrible that his work environment is so toxic that co-workers talk about other co-workers behind each other's back and no one thinks "hey, maybe this isn't such a good thing".
I mentioned this to my group of friends on myfitnesspal and a couple of really good points were brought up. One in particular that stuck out the most was a friend who said not only are these comments affecting my boyfriend negatively emotionally, this can add to stress and lead to slower healing. I never thought about this that way but I'm tired of hearing stories like this because he (and no one for that matter!) deserves to be treated like this.
So last night, I told him he really needs to talk to the apartment manager (who is technically his REAL boss) and let her know what's going on. At least this way it'll be on record that he told somebody. I also said he could contact his case manager but the way it works with his organization - you are supposed to go through the apartment manager first.
Still, can you imagine going through this? I cannot believe people can be so cruel. I am so frustrated but all I can do is comfort my man during this time.
As a side note - I was married to a very abusive man for 2 years. He not only berated me emotionally and mentally, but physically as well. I let this man walk all over me before finally I had had enough. I remember a close friend in college asking me what happened to my arm one day. It was 100 degrees outside and I was wearing a long sleeve that I inadvertently pushed up due to the heat. My friend noticed what looked like bite marks but I made some random excuse. I figured she knew I was lying but I couldn't help it - at the time I was scared of him. It took over two weeks for the marks to fade just enough for no one to be able to tell what it was - it just looked like a normal bruise.
After spiraling in and out of depression to the point of even wanting (and trying twice) to kill myself, I participated in counseling for almost a decade. Depression sucks people, it really does! I've been there done that and never ever ever want to go back again!Counseling taught me so much. It taught me to love myself and to not let anyone walk all over me. It taught me to see the beauty in each day and live each moment like it's my last.
So many people have asked me how I stay so positive, well now you know a little more about me to understand. I've been down the negative so bad I never wanted to wake up, it doesn't get much worse than that. I know what it's like to be in the worse mood ever and I hated how I felt. I was a slave to my emotions. It was not a pleasant experience!
So now, I choose to be positive but at the same time, I am assertive in making sure I respect myself and don't let anyone else treat me like my boyfriend's co-worker is. I think that's why this whole thing frustrated me so much because I know what it's like to be tossed aside and treated worse than a roach.
Bottom line is this - you have two choices. One, you can be miserable in life and blame all the problems on everyone (or everything) else. Or two, you can look at life from a different set of lens and learn to appreciate the beauty in each day. For example, today after almost 3 months without rain, we had our first rain! Guess what, when I came into work everyone was complaining about the rain! I thought to myself, oh my goodness people, the rain made the 100 degree weather into the 70s today and it's amazing outside! People thought I was crazy because I didn't use my umbrella (it was only sprinkling a little bit). I don't want to be that person who complains about things that could end up being a blessing in disguise.
Speaking of - I've had a night to sleep on the situation about my boyfriend and it occurred to me that this could be a blessing in disguise. Not only does he have a witness to what this lead said but he's also got proof about the other things (not working) from several residents including two other co-workers. My motto is document, document, document (I used to be a middle school science teacher turned accountant). Furthermore, this is an opportunity for him to learn how to be assertive. Still, I wish he didn't have to go through that but then again, as much as I wish I wasn't married to a monster, I often wonder if I would have turned out the same way I am today? Would I have learned the value of self-esteem and self-worth? I'm not so sure because you see, life's ups and downs are really opportunities to teach us valuable lessons if you let it. One thing's for sure, I am so happy I didn't turn into a bitter person!
