esimnons's Journal, 01 Sep 11

Maybe it's me...maybe I am being insensitive, heck I don't even know your husband... but this sounds 'off'. So, he finally responds to you...and ends up talking about 'her'. Her mother wants him to talk to her...about her behavior. HUH? There is no way as a mother of an adult daughter, that I would call a MARRIED man... and ask him to talk to my daughter - friends or no friends... I just wouldn't do it. Any chance he's trying to pre-cover his tracks, so to speak? Just sounds 'off'... And I hate it for you...hoping I'm wrong! Praying I'm wrong! Wish I didn't get these insticts to begin with...but what kind of friend doesn't at least put it out there to think about if the shoe were on the other foot...Elizabeth... feel free to disregard if you think this is crap. 

Maybe there was no physical cheating, but possibly an emotional attachment? I am not sure how you feel about that but in my world both are cheating as they can both be very intimate in different ways of course but still. Or maybe they are just friends. I am glad to hear he thought of you when her name came up I think that speaks volumes. 

I'm sorry to hear about your mom and I hope everything at home is worked out soon. Hang in there. 

We talked this afternoon and he was really down. Crying at one point. He say he can't trust people anymore and that he just wants to go away but that he has nowhere to go and no money. I told him to call the guy who preached his moms funeral. He is just feeling so lost and such despair. It hurts me to know how he is feeling and not be able to help him. Do I sound stupid when i say I don't care about whatever type of relationship he had with her. I don't care at all. i just hurt for him and I can't help him. At this point i am not sure if I care if he stays or he leaves. I just want him to be OK. I know that i will be. Paula, you are correct, i would never ask someone else to talk to my grown child. But i would not have this problem because I would not allow a grown woman to live in my home and have no responsibilites. I just would not allow that type of behavior. These people are the most dysfunctional folks I have ever heard of and my dear darling is a very giving person, he helps everyone that he meets if they need it and has gotten entirely too 'all up in their business'. I am certain that he has gotten too close to all of them. That is his way. I just don't know if it was an emotional and or physical attachement or if it was something to do and a friendship as he describes it. One big problem that he has is that he does not have a real job. he works very hard but does whatever he wants. He is not busy all the time and has nothing that will focus his attention. his ADD causes him to flitter from one thing to another and without structure, it seems to be worse. it is my suspicion that this is the root of the problems of the past and somewhat the root of the problems he has now. Without something to focus on - the pain of losing his mom seems to get worse for him. I am very worried about him but he does not want me to come home tomorrow. he wants me to stay here and go help our partner with the bulls this weekend. I guess that is what i will do. I want to be there for him but if he needs space - then he can have it. I will go home Sunday and will be home all week. I guess my thought is that if he needs to wallow in his pain for a couple extra days, he can. If he needs to run away and find something or someone else, then he can. I am staying and fighting for my life. If he does not want the things I want, then he needs to go. I deserve someone who loves me and can tell me that. I am feeling stronger within myself. I hope this strength continues to grow. My guess is I will have good days and bad ones but i hope the trend is in the right direction. Thank you for your comments. They help.  

I'm sorry to here about your friend's mom. As far as your "marriage" ...I guess I just don't understand how you deal with that kind of uncertainity... Then again, I'm the type that I would rather leave than be left. Yes, I'm young but I've been the one to end every relationship I've been in the past 7yrs. Then again my Mom is to a point where she's not sure I'll ever get married but is proud of me for not putting up with bullsh!t for any length of time. I've already learned to trust my gut and if something is wrong, I leave. My happiness is more important than his, IMO