JamaicaBoundNL's Journal, 20 Aug 17

I’m a private person who declines to live my life on social media and keeps pretty much to myself. I’ve been quietly reflecting on where I am in life and, if I am to be honest with myself, I’m not tuning cartwheels. These past few months have not been great for me, and I hope that by putting it in writing, it will become more than a thought. I need it to become tangible.

I’ve been feeling “round” lately and my weigh-in this morning let me know why - 151.0 lbs. The heaviest I’ve been in a long time. I haven’t been logging my meals and, as a result, my portion sizes have increased. And it’s becoming easy to eat more than I should.

This summer has been warmer than usual which is nice, but it has affected how my MS has been progressing. Wow. “My MS”. That’s a jarring statement, even after 13 years since diagnosis. For the first time, I’ve been feeling sick this summer. My symptoms have progressed noticeably - numbness on the right side of my body is more pronounced, my vision has changed - again, losing more function in my dominant hand, balance issues, and walking is becoming more difficult. Stairs are the most challenging - especially down. I’m not sure if my leg will buckle underneath me or if my knee will lock back in place. I feel tired most of the time and have been pretty sedentary as a result.

I’ve also officially moved to the next stage of my life - menopause. I’m on the verge of tears all of the time and I am always hungry (not sure if it’s related). Two of my co-workers have resigned this month. The second, whom I have worked with over six years, will finish on Friday. This won’t be easy.

Hubby was involved in a vehicle accident in June and has been dealing with the pain of whiplash ever since. I know that pain, and to quote a friend, it hurts me in my heart. But it also hurts me in my back and neck. He is unable to do what he could so I am picking up the slack - like mowing the lawn. Not an exertion I should have, but what else can I do. We also had a moose-vehicle accident at work last month which easily could have resulted in a fatality. My boss and co-worker walked away with minor injuries. I guess this too is why I’ve been thinking about where I am.

Can I control everything in my life? No. Can I control some of it? Yes. And that is what I’m going to start doing today. This is my first step - kick myself in the behind and get back here. By doing so I will start logging my food and activities. It worked before and it will work again.

Thank you for taking time to read through my rant and bout of self-pity. You now have a glimpse into the life of Karen. Now, time to pull on my big girl panties and get on with it.

68.5 kg Lost so far: 0 kg.    Still to go: 3.6 kg.    Diet followed: Not Applicable.

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1603 kcal

Fat: 47.52g | Prot: 70.20g | Carbs: 153.32g.   Breakfast: Coffee. Lunch: Ocean Spray Diet Cranberry Juice, Egg Omelet or Scrambled Egg with Cheese and Ham or Bacon, McCain Breakfast Homefries. Dinner: Ocean Spray Diet Cranberry Juice, Ziggy's Internationale Oil & Vinegar Coleslaw, Corn, Sensations Spirited Mickie Mustard & Hops Bbq Sauce, Pork Chops (Top Loin, Boneless, Lean Only). Snacks/Other: Humpty Dumpty Cheese Sticks, Selection Crab Flavoured Pollock, Vodka, Merlot Wine, Grapes (Red or Green, European Type Varieties Such As Thompson Seedless). more...

2613 kcal

Exercise: Housework - 1 hour and 25 minutes, Resting - 5 hours and 5 minutes, Sleeping - 8 hours, Grocery Shopping - 1 hour and 30 minutes, Watching TV/Computer - 8 hours. more...