jillybean's Journal

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28 October 2008

Motivation??

Wow, I'm not sure what motivated me, other than maybe its knowing that I HAVE to get this 25 lbs off by Christmas. I got up this morning and STAYED UP (which is unusual because I'm bad about laying back down and falling asleep a couple hours). I had 2 cups of coffee and walked 5 miles in just over an hour. I read while doing it and put the book down for about 10 minutes out of the time to jog. I feel sooo much better :D Now, I have to shower for the 4th time in 24 hours and get out of the house, so that maybe I can go walk a couple miles around the mall with my friend before having to pick my oldest up from school.

See, I know this is completely the WRONG attitude to have and if my husband read this, he would think the wrong things about it. But the HUGE reason for wanting to lose the last 25 lbs is this. Every year we have a dinner with my husbands family at Christmas. Its very hard to get my husband to attend and I'm not exactly sure why. Anyways, my husband has some really nice looking step cousins that are around our age and a little younger. Now, not that I'm trying to lose weight to impress them, its just that I get in my head that they look at me and think "GOD she's huge, why would someone in our family be with HER?" Maybe they dont think this way, but that is the feeling I get. I think I suffer from some mental condition about my weight. I have lost nearly 100 lbs since my biggest weight (around 8 lbs away) and I'll be down to my pre-pregnancy weight with my oldest 9 years ago (but also, I weigh less now than I did whenever I graduated high school), however, I still see myself as that huge cow. And for some reason, I cannot see myself differently. I think it has something to do with the fact that I am still 1 pants size bigger than I was at graduation due to body morphing during pregnancy. Anyways, I just want to lose the weight so that at Christmas, maybe my husband will attend (maybe I'm the reason he doesnt attend??) and maybe his cousins will think, "DAMN what happened to her?" My ex husbands dad saw me for the first time in 4 years this weekend, and he said "WOW, you are half the person you use to be, you look awesome." That made me feel awesome. I just think if I lose the other 25 lbs, I'll be at an average enough weight to feel comfortable.

Wish me luck in this.

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27 October 2008

I'm just weighing in again for the challenge that starts tonight. I have not gained, or lost, unfortunately. BUT, I'm actually trying now and I'm back to trying HARD. Its pretty crappy that all of that candy will be in my house Friday, maybe I should make them give it away :P j/k But I have to just be strong and stay away from it. Hopefully I'll be strong through the halloween candy, the visitation of my parents this weekend and coming up week, thanksgiving and christmas, and can lose that 25 lbs I need to lose.

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
79.4 kg	15.9 kg	11.3 kg	100%

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21 October 2008

I'm about to kick this in gear again, i have to do something. I'm starting to gain weight back. Whenever I noticed I was gaining, I started to do something about it and lost it again but I'm sick of fluctuating where I am and still am about 25 lbs away from my goal. I need the motivation I had at the first of the year and I dont know where it went to.

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
79.4 kg	15.9 kg	11.3 kg	Poorly

(1 comment) Gaining 0.3 kg a Week

30 September 2008

Been having a lot of issues going on....marriage was falling apart. Things seem to be getting better now, no weight gain at this time.

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
78.5 kg	16.8 kg	10.4 kg	Reasonably Well

Add Comment Losing 0.1 kg a Week

13 September 2008

I have been following a very strict diet and exercising. I had a couple beers last night and that might not have been a great thing but I'm still losing weight so thats what matters to me. Still going on.

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
78.8 kg	16.4 kg	10.8 kg	100%

Add Comment Losing 2.1 kg a Week

jillybean's Weight History

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