3jami3's Journal

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06 April 2010

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
83.2 kg	0 kg	19.7 kg	Poorly

Add Comment Gaining 0.3 kg a Week

02 April 2010

I've dropped the ball. Big time. I even borrowed some new videos from a friend to liven things up a bit. Have I done them? No. I've had them for over a week now. Actually, almost two weeks. Nothing. And eating? I've been eating so much it seems like. I was looking in the mirror last night and noticed a difference in my stomach. Actually seeing a difference is a bad sign that things aren't going the way they should, especially if it's not a good difference. Why is this such a struggle for me? WHY?? Curse these genetically large legs! lol Sorry, Chicken Little moment. Anywho............. I want to do something so bad. The biggest reason that pops out in my head at the moment is that my husband works such a dumb schedule and is home on days I want to work out but I have a strict no-working-out-in-front-of-my-husband-or-anyone-else-for-that-matter policy. Dumbest reason ever, I know. I could totally go for a walk on those days, not even weather permitting. Weather isn't a deterant for me, I like walking in the rain or snow. Summer's coming so fast and June is going to find me with my family again in Colorado and I want to look good. I always feel so embarrassed when I've gained weight since the last time they saw me. Well, I haven't, I look the same, kind of. But still, I want to look good, like obviously good. I want a strong, fit body. I want to run without feeling like I look goofy (my husband says I actually DO look goofy when I run.) Shoot, I want to be able to run PERIOD. I love the feel of running, but not how my lungs burn or my hips hurt or whatever. I love to exercise, love how it makes me feel and know that it really isn't hard or take long. Then why, knowing these things, do I have it in my head that this is something I don't want to do??? I DO want to do it! And if I want the body I know I can have, I need to exercise daily. I have been overweight for 12 stupid years. That's a long time. I hate it. I'm ready to feel better about myself. Time for change. (Notice I'm good with words, but can I "walk the walk"?)

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18 March 2010

I've been avoiding the scales for some time now. I haven't been eating well AT ALL so I was sure I had gained a few pounds. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw the results this morning, though. That doesn't mean I can slack still, I think I'm just lucky. I can maintain my weight easily, it's getting it off that I struggle with. I've been this weight for seriously so long, I feel it'll take forever to get it off unless I do something drastic, which I'm not all that willing to do. I'm a huge fan of gradual lifestyle changes, as I feel they're the most successful. I like food, plain and simple. A deprivation diet is not my friend, as I cave every time. I've decided I need to exercise to support the habit, but I do need to be more conscious of what I eat. That's funny - having said that, I realized I'm always conscious of what I eat, it's just that I don't care. If I want to eat something, I eat it. But I do try to not go overboard, hence the greatness at maintaining. Exercise to me seems like a burden. Why would someone want to do that EVERY SINGLE DAY. I have to, though, if I'm ever going to reach my goal. It's not like it's hard, I actually enjoy it. I just need to get it out of my head that I don't have time for it or that it's something I dread.

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
82.3 kg	0.3 kg	18.8 kg	Poorly

(1 comment) steady weight

11 March 2010

I haven't been doing what I intended as far as my diet goes. I don't like the thought of being on a diet, because, really, when I go "off said diet, then what? Gain everything back and starve myself for nothing? The thing is, I don't feel like I'm starving, per se. I feel like I'm trying to overcome an addiction. This is VERY hard. But, I'm going to do it. I'm determined. I don't want to be thin, I want to be fit. I want to be able to run. I want to not worry about having a heart attack. I do want to look good, but not so other people can think I look good but so I can think I look good. I know my body type and what it's capable of when it comes to "thin" and I'm ok with that, but I do feel I can look much better and feel much better.

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06 March 2010

I ate six cookies yesterday, had a lot of pasta for dinner (more than I should, but not as much as I usually do) and a granola bar and salad before bedtime. Not good. I'm hoping I didn't sabotage myself further today by eating out... bleh. This is hard. Not giving up, though. Dinner will be better. And smaller. ;)

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