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justjenifr
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Weight History
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01 June 2013
I am still living in backwards world...weight went down cause there was no exercise yesterday. I'm kind of ok with backwards world cause I can handle it if I know it's coming. It was so frustrating to do the right things and not lose the weight. I don't understand why it is the way it is, I just know that it seems to be what it is. I am just happy that I am seeing progress. It seems that cutting out my daily sudafed has helped with my weight...I don't know how that relates or works, but it is the only thing different since I started losing weight. Maybe some odd interaction with another pill that I take.
I do know that the fog has left the building!! I am referring to the sadness/melancholy fog that has been sitting in my head for the last couple of weeks. Yesterday I was driving to the doc to pic up some medication samples (I don't have insurance at all so he gives me samples when he can...I am thankful cause the prescriotion costs $220 at the cheapest place I can find it) and I had the windows down, sun was shining and my hair was blowing everhwere and I realized that I was happy!!!! I laughed out loud for no reason. I'm glad that that me is returning cause I have sure missed her! I'm usually a happy person so these last few weeks with the sadness fog have been horrible...well the most horrible part was my not being able to fight out of it after a day or so like I usually could. I know that that fog comes with depression and I have learned to accept that there are some days that my body just has to be that way cause my brain is too busy doing other things and isn't making the right chemical balance for some reason so I have learned to accept that... don't like it but I have learned to accept it. It usually lasts a day or so unless there is a major reason for me to be upset (like my dog passing) but these last few weeks...actually its been a couple of months...I just haven't been able to drag myself out of the hole that I was in. (If you want to see what depression is like, watch the Abilify commercials...)
So, I will spend my day sourcing stuff for the fathers day project that I have been working on for my brother...wanted to make it all myself, but I can't find a shop to let me cut my own mat board, so I will have to make a trip to the framing store tohave them cut the matte board for me. Thats ok though,it gets me out of the house. My counselor and psuchiatrist like me to leave the house at least once a day if I can...right now that is tempered with the fact that I am unemployed so I can't just drive around for now reason...need to save money, gas and my truck which is acting like it needs a new fuel pump. Too bad that isn't something I could change on my own (I checked) cause I sure have all this time on my hands where I don't really need my truck...lol.
Well, off to start my saturday...got some research to do...
j
Weight:
Lost so far:
Still to go:
Diet followed:
71.5 kg
0 kg
8.0 kg
Reasonably Well
(1 comment)
Losing 2.5 kg a Week
31 May 2013
Weight:
Lost so far:
Still to go:
Diet followed:
71.8 kg
0 kg
8.3 kg
Reasonably Well
Add Comment
Gaining 1.3 kg a Week
30 May 2013
Weight:
Lost so far:
Still to go:
Diet followed:
71.7 kg
0 kg
8.2 kg
Reasonably Well
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Losing 2.5 kg a Week
29 May 2013
Ok, I have always said I'm weird...I'm ok with the fact that I don't think like everyone else...but now I have further proof. I am still living in backwards world, it seems. So Monday, I tried to jump rope for 10 minutes...succeeded in doing 5, not consecutive, minutes before my lungs (I have mild obstructive lung disease) and my left knee (torn meniscus) protested loudly. I was ok with that, I chose to look at the fact that I had pushed myself (my lungs mostly) to the point of 5 minutes of cardio when I'm not supposed to do any at all (I am so tired of doing nothing really and trying to take my lungs back). So I weighed myself on Tuesday and my weight was up 2 tenths of a pound, not much I know. So yesterday was "arms" day at the gym and I forced, and I do mean forced, myself to go even though I felt horrible. So weigh myself this morning and I'm up almost a pound! I know muscle weighs more than fat, and had it been leg day I would have been kind of ok with it...but arm day, please I am an arm weakling. I use machines cause 1 I don't have a spotter and 2 well, I can't even lift the bar on regular weighlifting things. The bar you put the weights on weighs 45lbs...biceps and triceps, I have worked up to 20lbs on the machine or 10lbs if I use dumbbell weights. So thinking that I could put muscle on that much with such a small amount of weight is kind of silly sounding to me. It's not the only place I seem to be backwards either...fiber or things meant to "clean you out" work the complete opposite on me...lol.
Now I don't want to give up on the working out cause I want to be able to do the things that I could do before I got sick...I want the arm strength I was gaining then back...and quite honestly I need that interaction with people...even though no one really speaks to me at the gym (hoping to change that) I need to be around other people...I'm still unemployed and stuck at home all day with just my mother for company and so the gym is where I get the being around other people stuff so I don't go totally nuts. But I don't want to keep gaining weight either. So what is a girl to do?
I know that I can have muscles and not weigh more than my goal weight cause that's how I was in high school. Yes, with my 39th birthday looming I am fully aware that I am not that age any longer. In high school I had very muscular legs thanks to almost 10 years of playing soccer...I could push almost 300lbs with my legs (thank you PE class for having me learn that and having the boys get angry with me because I could push more than they could) so I know I can have muscle tone and still not weigh more than I want to.
I am fighting with myself to not go into the whole do absolutely nothing so I can lose the weight state of mind, but it is tempting...oh so tempting. I keep thinking that I can just do nothing until I get to my target weight and then go back to the gym and I'll be better able to deal with the weight gain cause there's just something about being so close to the 160 number that really gets me down. But I know that that's not healthy for my body or my mind but it's tempting.
Well, I should go and get myself something to eat...today's one of my rest days (Wednesday and Sunday) so that means that it's chore day and I have some chairs seats to recover.
j
Weight:
Lost so far:
Still to go:
Diet followed:
72.0 kg
0 kg
8.5 kg
Reasonably Well
(7 comments)
Gaining 2.5 kg a Week
28 May 2013
Weight:
Lost so far:
Still to go:
Diet followed:
71.7 kg
0 kg
8.2 kg
Reasonably Well
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Gaining 0.6 kg a Week
justjenifr's Weight History
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