muffinmama's Journal, 03 Nov 13

I am absolutely determined not to focus on the number on the scale...heres why...my entire life ive weighed around 150lbs..I was in the military early but not for long...it was very physical. I excercised daily and most times twice a day. As an adult I became a dancer(yes that kind) and obvioisly excercised alot at work and still ran every day. Then i began my welding career, (yes welding, it runs in the family.) Ive always been a size 7 ish, which to some is big but to me was perfect. I had all the right curves in all the right places, despite weighing 150 lbs. Ive always always always been super active. Then I got sick. Immediately. All of the sudden. (Cant disclose how) Suddenly I couldnt lift more than 20 lbs once an hour, for the rest of my life. Muscle degenaration began. Then I got sicker. My activity level dropped to literally sleeping 15 hours a day and complete exhaustion the other 9 hours. My family suffered from lack of wife/mother presence to the umpteenth degree. My house became a disaster area (awful.) Muscle degeneration and loss of complete rotation in one of my legs made daily life literally unbearable. In May I had corrective surgery. It helped so much :) . Im alive again. Even though i have at least 1 more surgery in my future for sure. I still cant lift very much, maybe 10 lbs ish a couple times a day. Im so weak now. Its hard for me to do normal things like hug my hubby (the weight of his arms on me is too much.) Or walk the dog (3 minutes and im done.) But, yes there is a big but.... I get up every morning. I still sleep up to 10 hours a night. I clean my whole house every day. Sweeping and mopping is the most dificult thing I do every day, but I do it. (I know long and drawn out I'll get to the point) Herebis reality for me. Ive never known life without activity. Ive never known my body without activity. I dont know what 20% bodyfat will look like on me without all that muscle. I have no idea what number on the scale will bring me to that point. Ive always done yoga, and I hope that now that my body is semi receptive too it, that my muscles will remember. I hold almost all of my extra weight in my abdomen. My core is so weak. The nerves Iin my back have been severely damaged by my "sickness." And I have no choice but to heal my body with weightloss and stretching. And the number on the scale....just doesnt matter.

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1108 kcal

Fat: 78.34g | Prot: 73.48g | Carbs: 19.76g.   Breakfast: Sweet'N Low Sweet'n Low, Coffee, Coffee, Fried Egg. Lunch: Pickles, Great Value Homestyle Meatballs. Dinner: Baken-ets Traditional Fried Pork Skins, Baken-ets Traditional Fried Pork Skins, Baken-ets Traditional Fried Pork Skins, Kraft Velveeta Cheese, Kraft Velveeta Cheese, Baken-ets Traditional Fried Pork Skins. Snacks/Other: Gold Peak Diet Iced Tea, Water. more...