befree's Journal

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18 June 2008

Weight: Lost so far: Still to go: Diet followed:
130.5 kg 1.0 kg 8.1 kg Reasonably Well
   Add Comment Losing 2.9 kg a Week

16 June 2008

Well I wished I would have read everyone's words of support before I went to my grandma's last night for a family dinner.

I was pretty hungry and those stupid thoughts came crashing in as I was helping myself to dinner and desserts (firsts and seconds on both accounts). Thoughts that I wasn't going to make it, that I should just eat what I want because fighting it would be just too hard, that I will always be fat, blah, blah, blah.

I guess 'giving in' to those thoughts all the time is how I got here - 300+ lbs. I can't even imagine how many calories I used to eat when I just didn't care. I am grateful for the food diary here as I can really see how all the food added up last night.

I am not sure how I ended being so hard on myself. It is a common theme in all areas of my life - and has been for awhile. Mostly, I end up quitting everything because I think I can't do it well enough, fast enough, good enough, etc.

I need to trust in this process more and mistrust myself less (I am not sure if that makes much sense).

We are having a weight loss competition at work and it is what catipulted me into trying to lose weight again. However, I think the competition is also really affecting my expectations.

But then as I write this journal that stupid voice comes in and says "who are you kidding, at 300 lbs you should be losing twice as much as everyone else". Just shut up!!!

Maybe I can't keep up with everyone else, but why give up? Just because I may not be the best, doesn't mean I don't matter.

I've gotta run. Thanks for all your words of support. They really do mean alot. Thinking about comments - I realize I don't comment on others journals alot because I think my comment won't be good enough, aaaaagggghhhhh! I can't get away from this voice.

Have a great day!

16 June 2008

Weight: Lost so far: Still to go: Diet followed:
131.4 kg 0.2 kg 8.9 kg Reasonably Well

15 June 2008

Weight: Lost so far: Still to go: Diet followed:
131.4 kg 6.1 kg 3.0 kg Reasonably Well
   (6 comments) Losing 0.8 kg a Week

12 June 2008



befree's Weight History


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