trishka48's Journal

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24 May 2011

So, with the 2lbs. weight loss, I am staying more on top of my eating. Still going over on calories, but at least I am aware of what I am putting in my mouth-- even when I am all snack-rageous.
The whole pool episode has be a bit, oh- trepidatious (I don't think that is a word, but let's go with it.) about going back. I tend to fear the unknown, and I am not sure how the pool thing will shake out with swim lessons and such going on.
I am not a fan of children. I don't have any, and I really like it that way. Don't hate.
So the working out has not been as much as I would like this week- but I am moving, and I am really trying to watch what goes into my mouth. One thing at a time I guess.
This time of year at work tends to get slow ( kids are out of school, so parents have to pay for childcare, food and vacations they don't normally have going on.)and I tend to feel a little worthless when I am not making money. I know this feeling is silly, but I think it is because I know how hard my husband works, and then for me to kinda coast through and lower our income-- makes me feel bad. So then, I turn into crazy house wife, and clean and feel funky. Just sayin'.
Anyway, those are my thoughts for the day. I hope everyone is having a lovely day and staying within their daily goal, I know I am going to try!

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23 May 2011

I just had to put it in, as it was a loss... even if it is just water weight, I will take it!

Happy Monday!

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
98.9 kg	3.2 kg	8.2 kg	Reasonably Well

(1 comment) Losing 1.3 kg a Week

19 May 2011

Well... that was disappointing.
Today, I told myself I was not going to work out. It was ok, I worked out yesterday and today my body would be fine not going and healing a bit ( I am sore.) But, I just couldn't not go after I felt so wonderful yesterday. Oh Yesterday! You were wonderful!
I convinced myself that a 30 min. swim would be a perfect way to cap off the day. So, off I went to do just that! Go ME! I AM AWESOME!
Get to the gym. Change into suit. Walk into pool are--- MAYHEM. Teenagers every where, kids swimming and diving for rings and only 2 lanes for lap swimming.
I had a full on anxiety attack. Why? Here is why:
I remember being a chubby girl at the pool; beautiful teens standing around too cool to care about anything, but me, being chubby, in a suit, in front of them. Kids snickering between each other. Even goggles were making me self conscious, because on some level once I am in the water I feel a little invisible.
Up until now, I had only encountered ladies who were not so different from me, lovely to look at life guards- who were very quiet and didn't watch me, because I swim like a fish. Oh yeah, and the chatty one... maybe he was hitting on me? Maybe he was mentally gathering images to describe to his in shape lifeguard friends--- I don't know, but the chattiness made me aware that someone ELSE was aware of me, and I did not like that.
I decided I was going to conquer it, I was above this feeling-- I had matured and it was all in my head- which I know it is. I really really know this. So, I swim in the large area of the pool while the kids swam in the lap lanes. I did this for 5 minutes. I got out of the pool, got dressed and left. Oh and I think I was short with the front desk staff, I will have to apologize tomorrow.
I got in my car, drove home and I am fully disgusted in my reaction.
Of course, on the way home, I feel severely hungry. You know, the feeling right before you feel like you are going to throw up. I told myself I could not eat for another 30 minutes, as I feel this is just anxiety.
So here I am... not eating- not working out either. Trying to calm down, wishing I had someone I could call to tell this that would understand. So I write to my buddies here. It is almost the same.
I know this is my issue, and no one was paying me any mind- I think. But there it is, and I have to try to deal with it.

(4 comments)

18 May 2011

Work out- done
Food entered- so far so good
Work- Still slow
Mood- Positive
Maybe also anxious...

But, I feel better than yesterday, so yay!

(1 comment)

18 May 2011

Weight:	Lost so far:	Still to go:	Diet followed:
99.8 kg	2.3 kg	9.1 kg	Poorly

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